Washing Dishes on Tuesday

This week our adoption agency contacted us because it has already been a year since we since we put our adoption on hold. We had already decided that we are not financially or emotionally ready to adopt at this time but it is still hard to formally stop the process we invested so many years in.

Coincidentally the weekly update from our agency included news that the family who traveled in our place last November finally got their court date. I can only imagine their excitement since it has been a full year since they met their child and no doubt they have had a rocky, stressful journey of their own.

I can't believe how much our lives have changed in the past year. Even doing dishes is more fun with this guy by my side.

First Trimester Recap

So, I left off on week 4 where the nurse just confirmed a positive pregnancy via blood test. However, later that afternoon I get a call from my infertility doctor and I don't think he believed the results either because he wanted me to come in for a 7 week ultrasound to confirm it. I was very glad about this because while my body is horrible at getting pregnant it turns out it is great at being pregnant (so far,) no nausea, indigestion, food aversions, heartburn - nothing to make me feel pregnant. I thought I would feel much better and more pregnant after the ultrasound but this is what I saw.

O.k. it had a heartbeat but didn't look anything like a baby and I still wasn't convinced.

Week 9 came and our agency called with travel dates for Russia. I felt the need to disclose the pregnancy to them except I hadn't actually seen a doctor yet. My OB doesn't see patients until 12 weeks. I called the clinic a little hysterical and my doctor agreed to get me in earlier. She found a heartbeat right away so I told our agency about the pregnancy. I was ecstatic when our Russia agency would allow us to continue with the adoption. I would travel early in my second trimester which my doctor thought was fine and it turns out to be a blessing that we are in a region with a loooooong wait for a court date because we wouldn't go back until after the baby was born. We had all sorts of plans in place for how we were going to make this work. Yes, it would be tough but we have lots of help and support. A couple days later our home study agency told us they had a policy and we weren't able to continue our adoption. We were devastated! We have spent so much time, emotion and a huge portion of our savings on this adoption. While we were excited about the pregnancy, at this point, it just seemed like another way to ruin our chances at adoption.

Week 10 our adoption was put "on hold." However, if I had a miscarriage we would not be allowed to return to the same region since they get offended if you turn down travel dates so basically it meant we would have to start over - again. So of course week 11 I had spotting. My doctor assured me it was normal and it was just because I was overdoing it - apparently 12 hour shifts as a nurse on my feet with lots of lifting and bending aren't good for a pregnant person plus I don't have the normal first trimester symptoms to remind me to slow down. She set me up for another ultrasound just to make sure.

Week 13 I saw a leg kicking, arm waving, hiccuping baby. And I finally allowed myself to get excited about this pregnancy.
So the Russkiy will have to wait a little while longer. Maybe by then they will finally have this bilateral agreement worked out.

We Got Travel Dates For Russia, BUT....

Apparently even God got annoyed that our adoption journey has reached the 3 year point with no end in sight because.........

I'm Pregnant!!

Shocked? Tell me about it! Here is what happens when you have tried for 5 years to become a parent - including 6 failed rounds of IUI, 1 failed round of IVF, and 1 failed adoption.

I'm about to head out of town with my husband to celebrate our anniversary and my period is a few days late. Years ago I stopped taking pregnancy tests when this happened because it was more emotional for me than just waiting for my period. However this weekend we had a bottle of champagne chilling in the fridge, had booked a hot tub suite and I planned to eat my fill of mercury infused walleye so I dusted off an old pregnancy test that had not yet expired, used it, set it on the counter and forgot about it. I ran some errands, did some laundry and packed. At one point I walked by the bathroom and realized I had forgotten to throw the test away only when I looked at it, it said pregnant.

I was totally numb and wandered around the house aimlessly for a few minutes until I remembered Brian will be home soon and I should wrap the gift I bought long ago when I thought getting pregnant would be easy. I dug it out of the back of a closet that was now filled with toddler boy clothes for our pending adoption.
Brian opens the gift and says "Are you serious?" Then he says "I really can't get excited about this." To which I replied "Yeah, me neither." After all we have had our dreams of being parents crushed so many times - in multiple languages!

I spent the rest of the weekend convinced the hormones I had been on in the past had wreaked havoc on my system and from now on I would have false positive pregnancy tests. So on Monday I called my infertility clinic to discuss my theory. The nurse assured me the hormones would be out of my system in a matter of weeks and that I was probably pregnant. I reminded her that this is not possible. She informed me that, in fact, it looks like it is possible but sensing that this debate could go on for awhile she said I should c0me in for a blood test. That afternoon I had a message from the nurse saying congratulations you are going to have a baby and you might even be able to afford to send it to college (might sound rude but if you've been there, you understand.)

This post is going to get very long and I want to remember it someday so I will get to the Russia part in my next post. Oh, and please keep the news off Facebook, I'm not telling at work yet :) To be continued.......

Another Update

7 months down....

And the only news we have is the Ministry of Education in Ekaterinburg is being reviewed by the federal authorities. I seriously don't even know what else to say.

The situation has made me like my book find of the month even better....

Not only because it is about a Siberian Tiger (Did you know....Almost all wild Siberian tigers live the Southeast corner of Russia in the Sikhote-Alin mountain range east of the Amur River. Their former range included northeastern China and the Korean Peninsula, and as far west as Mongolia. They are the largest of the tiger species and can grow up to 13 feet in length and weigh up to 700 lbs.)

Or because it is written in Russian and English. What a fun way to introduce The Russkiy (русский) to the Russian alphabet.

But also because it is about a tiger that loses his smile and on his journey to find it realizes it is the people and places along the way that put the smile on his face. It has been very easy to lose my smile as this journey gets unbelievably, almost comically longer for our family and I am so thankful for the people who put the smile back on my face every step of the way.

We still have hope we will meet our child before the end of the year!

Crabby 6 Month Update

I'm late with my monthly update because July was so busy I hardly had time to notice the wait. YEAH RIGHT!! We wait and hope and wish and wonder and pray every day. Sometimes it gets the best of me and I e-mail our agency only to find out the wait will probably be another 3-4 months. AHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm a patient person but we are going on 3 years here people!! My 171 H extension is going to expire!

Not even this makes me not want to go to Russia! NOW!!
'Russia's summer of heat, drought and fire is starting to take a human toll in Moscow, Europe's most populous city.

Deaths in Moscow have doubled to an average of 700 people a day as the city struggles with a deadly combination of record hot temperatures and poisonous smog from wildfires.'


Anyway....... July was a fun month and it did go fast. We ended the month in South Dakota for a family reunion where we took over a campground and had lots of fun with family we only see every couple years. I misplaced my camera and only have a couple pictures of the event, like me and Zachy on the teeter-totter.

It took awhile to convince him that he couldn't go alone with me since he weighs 50 lbs and I weigh 110 lbs. What??? And, Hannah with my souvenir garden puppy (because I'm not quite enough like my mom already.)
Brian warned me that purchasing said puppy gives him permission to get a garden gnome.

Pupdate

I have a contract! Phew!! I was prepared to cut our already tight budget, due to the adoption, further ( ramen noodles, no air, no cable, no Internet, no fun) because I believe nurses and patients deserve better but fortunately the Twin Cities hospitals settled with the nurses at the last minute. Basically Allina took back all 33 concessions including affordable health insurance, a pension and the ability to decline an unsafe assignment. We gave up raises for the next 3 years which, I know, in this economy I should be ok with. But it is harsh when you work for a company that made $292 million last year and the CEO who already makes over $2 million took a 33% raise. After cutting things so tight these past couple years I was hoping for a little breathing room in the budget! We also accepted a band-aid on a pretty serious staffing issue in the form of a committee. I'm guessing this will be an even a bigger fight in 2013 but hopefully the public's awareness of the staffing issue and the nurses ability to stay united and fight for what's right will help in the future. In the end it is a contract that both sides and patients can live with. On a side note, I really hope to get a patient that works for the Star Tribune soon as they lost all credibility to me as an unbiased news source.

I have no decent transition into my next update so enjoy a picture of my Abby flower.










I really don't have much to report for our 5 month adoption update. We are hoping for travel dates soon but realistically September or October is probably the soonest we would travel since most of Russia takes the month of August off. I didn't add an adoption book to The Rooski's library this month because I found this book and couldn't resist.

Month 4 Update

Our Dossier has officially been registered in Russia for 4 months now. This month we got our region assignment!! We will be traveling to Ekaterinburg Russia. We were a little disappointed that again we are in a region where we will have to travel blind. We won't know anything about the child we are going to meet before we get there. We were hoping to avoid this since this will be our second, first trip. However, our agency reassured us this region is not like the last one in that they tend to give out "healthy" referrals. This is also a tough region for paperwork but after completing 3 Dossier Ones and 1 Dossier Two I'm not scared. We are most excited that this is a region where things are still moving.

My book find of the month is this adorable tear jerker. It reminds me of Are You My Mother if the bird would end up with say, the snort. I love the message that a mother is more about unconditional love than biology.

FLAIR

Russia and U.S. officials will work out a final draft of a treaty on child adoptions in mid-June, children’s ombudsman Pavel Astakhov said Friday. (From May 17th Moscow Times article.) This is good news! However, we know from our first attempt at Russian adoption that even if things don't totally close in Russia each region can decide if they want to continue U.S. adoptions. Time will tell. Anyone want to borrow some stress?

3 Month Update

Yikes! What a month! I don't really have any clear answers at this time. The delegation met April 29th and talks were "productive." You can read more about it here if interested. They will meet again May 12th.

This month I added to my adoption parenting library. I have already read Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child - twice. Lots of advice and ideas that seem practical. I would recommend this book
This month I read Toddler Adoption A Weaver's Craft. Probably a better book for someone trying to make the decision if toddler adoption is right for them. Luckily it does seem to be the right choice for us.
Next I will start Real Parents, Real Children. No this is not a book about a child's biological parent. We will be our child's real parents. Just a little lesson on positive adoption language.
I'm not sure if the 4-8 month timeline still stands but we've kind of given up on timelines anyway :)

April 19, 2010 - Bilateral Meeting Postponed

The meeting between a U.S. government delegation and their Russian counterparts, originally scheduled for April 20th in Moscow, has been postponed due to travel difficulties resulting from the volcanic ash cloud over Iceland and much of Europe. The U.S. Department of State is attempting to reschedule the meeting which was to address the Russian government's request for a bilateral agreement on intercountry adoption. (from jcics website.)

Travel is now planned for the week of April 25th. While things haven't officially stopped they have slowed to almost a stop especially for families in the waiting for a referral stage. I'm anxious to know one way or the other!!

April 20, 2010

April 16, 2010
The Department of State has received no information to confirm a suspension of adoptions from Russia to the United States. Our Embassy in Moscow and other Department of State officials are talking with Russian officials to clarify this issue. (from the jcics website)

It looks like we probably won't know anything for sure until officials meet on Tuesday. Since the last couple posts have been way too serious I thought I would share a picture Ken sent me that made me laugh. Nothing like siblings to cheer you up!!

We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day

Russia suspended adoptions to the U.S. today. We are sad but are getting pretty good at picking ourselves up, dusting off and moving on. The real sad story is there are kids who don't have that option and now have to spend more time in an orphanage. Since I already had this post ready to go I'm still going to post it. We are not sure what plan "B" (not sure what letter we are on by now) will be.

The Joint Council on International Children's Services asked bloggers to blog about successful adoptions today. I know many families who have successfully adopted but since it is Russian adoption that is under the public eye right now I thought I would link you to my favorite Russian adoption blogs. I began following them when we started our journey in 2008 and they are a big part of the reason we decided to go back after our first experience. So on behalf of the 60,000 successful Russian adoptions that have happened since the early 90s meet.....
Artem
Owen
Daniel
Ilya
Anna
Nickolas
Aidan
There are many, many more stories you can see through these blogs.

My fingers are crossed for the families who have accepted referrals and are just waiting for a court date that this suspension won't last long!

Adoption Help

So, I get that God makes people in this world who can't have babies the regular way because he makes babies that can't have parents the regular way. I even understand why he chose Brian and I but for the love of, well, Him why does it have to be so difficult!? We are asking for your help. If you believe Brian and I could be good parents to an orphan regardless of emotional and behavioral problems please sign the following petition by the Joint Council on International Children's Services. See link below.

Sign the letter to President Medvedev and President Obama: The letter asks both Presidents to ensure that intercountry adoption continues uninterrupted and to aggressively investigate and prosecute anyone involved in the abuse of children. You can sign anytime, but doing so before Tuesday night would help us get the letters to both Presidents before President Medvedev leaves the U.S. Click here to sign the letter.

Also if you have a blog on Thursday April 15th please blog about a successful adoption of someone you know. See link below.

We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn’t matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!

And Pray!

Month Two Update

It has now been 2 months since we sent our Dossier to Russia. We didn't hear anything this month but we weren't expecting to. Hopefully in the next couple weeks/months we will get a region assignment.
Books have been a way to keep me connected during this process. I like to look for books with Russian or adoption themes in them but also like recommendations from experienced moms. I also love Amazon because I can find most of the books cheap, sometimes under a dollar. This month I found a couple with Russian Easter themes. Marushka's Egg about a popular Russian witch, Baba Yaga, was a little on the scary side but I liked how it talked about baking Russian Easter Bread, Russian Easter eggs and it did have a happy ending. I love Patricia Polacco's books so I was happy to find Rechenka's Eggs about a Babushka (Grandmother) who makes award winning Russian Easter Eggs to bring to the fair in Moscow. Since this process has taken us so long The Rooski will have quite the library when he or she finally gets here.

What are your kids' favorite books?

One Month Down

One month ago today our Dossier was sent to Russia for translation. If only adoption was like pregnancy and we could have a set due date. Our agency thinks it will be 4-8 months for a referral (families waiting have passed the 6 month mark.) Court will be 4-6 months after that. That timeline was increased from 3-6 months the week we sent our Dossier in (this is us after all.) So our fingers are crossed for next spring but we are obviously well aware of what can go wrong in the process. Along with prayers for a healthy referral we would also appreciate prayers for our agency that their program would continue to remain strong and we won't have to start over yet again!

Here are some fun February pictures from Lee and Dee's winter gathering.

And dinner out at Aperitif. Any restaurant that serves a cheese plate is awesome according to me, others thought the place was a little too loud. Don't worry we shared.

January Update

I got excited this week because we received the last of our stage one paperwork. I was psyched to send it all in today but sadly some of the forms have to be redone. I'm hoping we can get it off next week though, the end of step one is in sight.

We also got our 171 - H!! This is the $800 piece of paper that says we can bring an orphan in to the U.S. It takes months to get so it is kind of a big deal.

We finally had a baby shower for Bianca and Everett. We played my favorite shower game, Pass the Baby. Everett was a good sport.

Christmas Decor

Merry Christmas!! O.k. I'm not actually writing this on Christmas but with predictions of a big Christmas snow storm, I'm wondering who asked Santa for snow?

I made the mistake of looking back at this post which reminded me that this is the third Christmas in a row I'm working on stage one paperwork for our adoption - Yikes!! I feel like we are running in place but somehow leaving a trail of money behind. It also reminded me that what we are going through is nothing compared to what our child is going through so, hang in there kiddo, hopefully we will be there soon.

I still didn't decorate this year but I did pull out my favorite Christmas decoration. Our Christmas card album. I started it the year we got married. I put in the picture we send out to represent our family every year. (I never thought I would send out my fifth one without kids but hey, that's my family and I'm still proud of it.) I write a little bit about how we spend the Christmas holiday and have a few pages of a collage of the pictures people send us. It is fun to pull it out every year for a trip down memory lane and to see how families have changed.

MMMMMMM.....

'Tis the season to eat way to many deliciously sugary treats!!

Cousin Liz hosted a cookie exchange this year. Being the wonderful elementary school teacher she is, she read the book Christmas Cookies. It was a great reminder of being happy with what you have and sharing it with others this holiday season. I went out to buy it for The Rooski's library but found this book on the Christmas display instead.
Our child could be celebrating their first or even second Christmas in an orphanage without a family this year. I had to buy something so he or she will know we were thinking about them and missing them this year!

P.S. I'm pretty sure the person who said they would never eat all those cookies finished them first!

Long Time No Blog

We made the decision to go back to Russia. I know those of you who know details about our experience are thinking "what the?!" Besides the fact that we spent the last 2 years getting excited about our Russian/American family we also found, while researching new agencies, Russia is still a stable, fast(ish) moving program. We feel from talking with other agencies that we hit some bad luck last time. We were placed in an unstable region (they no longer refer kids to the U.S.) and in an agency that was struggling with their Russia program. Yes, we are worried these things can happen again.

So we have begun phase one of the Dossier paper chase for the third time. We had some great luck coming across this post literally days before our 171 H (acceptance of our advance processing of an orphan petition) expired. It will still take a few months but saved us $800. Thanks Susan! We also hit a set back, our new agency wants our home study to be completely redone, which means another home visit and more discussion about the intimate details of our childhood, family, parenting styles, marriage and faith with basically a total stranger. Soooo not Brian and I. It looks like phase one might take a few months. I will let you know when our Dossier gets closer to completion.

While the paper chase consumes a lot of my time off we have also had some fun this month. We celebrated Emma's 4th Birthday with a costume party. Yes, I went as a witch to a 4 year old's birthday party but see post above. I'm trying to fund an adoption and two costumes are not in the budget. Don't worry I was a nice, not scary witch.
We celebrated Mom's Birthday at Fogo de Chao - Yum!

We took a road trip to Michigan to spend Thanksgiving with Grandma, Aunt Jan and family. We got to see Lydia as The Little Dutch Girl in A Miracle on 34th Street. I think you can see how cute that was!!
I also became an aunt, again. But that definitely deserves its own post!

Fall's Fading Fast

I don't know if it is the fact that it gets dark so early now or that there are more leaves on the ground than on the trees but winter is coming and with it days of being stuck inside. A perfect time to hunker down with dossier paperwork! Yep, we have decided to begin the adoption process again. We are more than a little scared but finally at a point where we can be excited too. In some ways it might be easier because we have some stuff behind us, our home study will only need some updating, we may be able to get an extension on our 171 H, and we are pros at dossier paperwork having done it twice already. In some ways harder, we have the fear of things going horribly wrong again, we need a new agency and possibly a new country, and we have done the dossier paperwork twice before so we know how challenging it can be. Wish us luck......